1. Never read the job announcement fully. Find the one skill listed that fits you and develop your entire cover letter and resume around that skill. Don’t forget to apply for the jobs far from your skill set. And add Krusty the Clown as a reference.

2. Do they ask for a writing sample? Make sure you send one paragraph with either short, clipped sentences or (better yet), make the entire paragraph a run-on sentence.

3. Do the complete opposite of what the ad says. If it says “No calls”, pick up the phone immediately and dial the company. If it says to complete an application, fill out your name only, write “see resume” on the rest of it and turn it in.

4. When following up, skip the automated company phone directory to find who you want. Instead push zero several times in a row until you get a human and say, “Who runs the HR department? I mean, the TOP person. OK, I need to talk to them right now.”

5. Sending an email instead? Hound the webmaster of the site until they give you the information that you need.

6. When the HR person does not call you back, show up in person and tell the receptionist that you had an appointment. No luck? Leave them a few voicemails. Grow slightly more irritated with each one and don’t forget to leave some in the middle of the night-after all, you will be stressing out by now and won’t be able to sleep.

7. Send out an email every couple days to your entire email list and give them a rousing rendition of your latest job searching adventures. Make sure those you have listed as references are on your list.

8. When you receive your rejection letter (that is, if you at least had your address on resume or application), post the entire contents on all your social sites and complain about the employers. Don’t forget to add “THEIR loss!”

9. Repeat…

1. When you know more than your boss, but still aren’t being promoted. As I see it, your boss shouldn’t be holding you back if you have the skills — it is always in management’s best interest to train their replacement, so to speak. But if they are holding you back, consider flashing some of your talents to other areas and supervisors — in a nice way, of course. And if it doesn’t pan out and you want promotion opportunities, look elsewhere!

2. When the guy in the next desk constantly instant messages you. Hey, it’s either a new job or a new department. Although you may want to try chatting with HR first, this guy has an obvious obsession and it’s not with his work.

3. When the people around you think they live in a zoo — and act like it too. Whether they hang from the rafters, fight over food, can’t stop bickering or stare at newcomers with a glazed look as they pass through the department, it might be time to look elsewhere.

4. When your paycheck comes with a note that says “please don’t cash until Monday.” Whoops. Big warning sign there that the medical center is living paycheck to paycheck. Don’t let it affect yours. Start looking now.

5. When your boss has sworn you to secrecy. “Oh my gosh, PLEASE don’t mention I was flirting with a patient on rounds. I mean, you’re my friend…right?” Uh huh and need I say more?

6. When you find yourself covering for your boss more than once a month. Everyone messes up here and there but if you are covering for someone on a regular basis (other than your own), you are setting yourself up for continued issues. For starters, you are just plain making your boss out to be better than they are. And secondly, your boss will expect it from you in the future and there will be heck to pay the first time you stand up for yourself and refuse to cover them.

7. When your co-workers start ducking, hiding or becoming very busy as you enter the room. Before you stomp all over the place feeling ignored, you should note that the above behaviors are an indication that something is wrong. You aren’t communicating well, there is an issue with the team, they feel like you hate them etc. So, by all means bring your slingshot to work with you as you are looking for a new position.

8. When the same person has stolen your reserved parking space for most of the year. You shouldn’t leave because they are being a pain but because you are being a wimp! Approach them already and check any sarcasm at the door.

Disclaimer: Of course, here at Hospital Dream Jobs, we truly encourage you to be an adult first and do everything you can to solve your issues at your current place of employment, especially if it is indeed your Dream Job. Remember that there is always someone who will do your job for less than what you make doing it.